[Being the perceptive person that he is, Dazai can see plain as day how nervous Atsushi is to be alone with him in this kind of situation. He’s not trying to intimidate him, of course, but there must be a certain amount of apprehension in letting yourself relax and have fun with your mentor. But oddly enough, Dazai doesn’t mind the idea of being more than that, but only if Atsushi wanted such a thing.
He sure is fun to tease, though.]
It’s a ghost story! About a girl that was trapped in a well and died! Isn’t that tragic? Then she comes back to haunt people!
[He says with a smile...
Also Atsushi hasn’t lived if he hasn’t tried Oreos.]
[ how can dazai say those things with such a smile? it's almost like it's impossible to scare him. then again, atsushi has never seen dazai puzzled or confused. sometimes he surprises kunikida when he enters a room without making any noise, but dazai seems impossible to take off guard. how weird.. ]
O-oh.. Is it very scary?
[ it's not, is it.. hopefully it's not..
time to shove a cookie in his mouth. and, oh, they're good.. so good that atsushi's eyes light up immediately. it's like he completely forgets about the scary part of the movie summary. ]
These are great, Dazai-san!
[ and despite dazai probably knowing how they taste, atsushi holds out a cookie for him so he can eat one too. ]
[The things that Dazai is afraid of are much less fantastic than ghosts or monsters. Never finding a reason to truly live, not carrying out Odasaku’s dying wish, watching the people he’s allowed himself to care for die. Everything he’s ever wanted has never truly been his, and even if they did somehow come to him, he’d lose them in the end. That’s the sad life that Dazai lives, and that’s why he isn’t afraid of any horror movie.]
Hmm...that depends, doesn’t it? Do you think ghosts are scary?
[Dazai chuckles when Atsushi’s face lights up from eating the cookie. He’s so cute...]
Help yourself to as many as you like~
[Oh? Atsushi is offering him a cookie? How generous! He’ll just lean over and snatch it with his mouth like an animal before munching on it with a pleased hum.]
[ he just remembered their hot springs trip.. he really thought that they were haunted that night.
dazai snatching the cookie with his mouth is really cute actually. atsushi can feel his heart flutter in his chest at the sight of him eating with such a pleased expression on his face. it seems even dazai has a cute side.. ]
Oh! Yes. I'm ready.
[ he thinks.. he's just going to squeeze his eyes shut and start the movie. at least dazai is here to protect him if he gets scared. right? right. ]
[Dazai can be cute and he knows it, he just doesn’t often show this side of himself to others unless there’s a reason for it. But right now he’s actually being very genuine, and he grabs another cookie before shoving it in his mouth with a pleased little sound. Not as good as crab, but definitely tasty nonetheless.
The movie starts out a little slow, but soon there’s a spooky part where a woman is wandering around in the dark during a power outage, where the ghost may appear at any turn. Of course Dazai knows exactly when the scare happens, but he’s just mischievous enough not to warn Atsushi first. Instead he simply watches him out of the corner of his eye, waiting to see if Atsushi will jump when the ghost is shown.]
though the tension makes atsushi sit there, shoving cookies into his mouth while his eyes seem to grow wider with every minute that passes. the scene really is scary and the music only adds to it. can't the ghost just jump out already--
there it is. the moment it appears on screen, atsushi lets out a yelp and drops the cookie in his hand in favor of clutching at dazai's shirt and pulling him closer towards him, like he's trying to use dazai as a shield against the evil ghost on screen. ]
[Little does Atsushi realize that Dazai is studying his every reaction instead of watching the movie. Look at him, wide-eyed and shoving cookies in his face like a chipmunk preparing for winter. He’s so adorable that Dazai wants to reach over and pinch his cheeks, but he resists the urge. For now.
Oh, that’s an even better reaction than he was expecting! Leave it to Atsushi to surprise even Dazai. He has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face right now, and he can’t help but snicker when Atsushi grabs him and tries to use him as a human shield.]
Oh my! I guess I forgot just how scary this film is!
[That whiny tone is actually rather endearing, and rather than pull away Dazai reaches up to gently pet Atsushi’s hair.]
We can watch something else, Atsushi-kun. I just wanted to see if I could scare you a little.
[ how can dazai just forget how scary this particular movie is? does he watch too many horror movies to remember every single one of them? maybe that explains why he looks so calm, no, even amused in the face of such a scary scene. unlike atsushi, he didn't seem spooked in the slightest. it's almost unfair, atsushi finds, and now he feels not only embarrassed, but also stupid for reacting so strongly. ]
N-no, that's alright. We can keep watching this-- Aaahh!
[ here comes the next scary moment, and atsushi jumps in his seat, his grip on dazai's shirt tightening. ]
No, no, no, I hate this!! I want to watch something nice!
[ and it doesn't help that dazai is petting his hair. it does make his stomach feel fluttery, but it also makes him feel like dazai sees him as a child that needs comforting. uuugh. ]
[Yeah, he didn’t forget, he’s just Like That. He suspects Atsushi will catch onto that soon enough, but it’s kind of fun to let him think that Dazai is completely fearless for now. Maybe he kind of is, with horror movies at least, but he doesn’t think that Atsushi is stupid or childish for reacting that way. Most people get scared at least once during horror movies, after all. Unless it’s just a godawful movie with no budget or something.
Oh no, he actually did forget about that next scare. Oops. He doesn’t mind Atsushi clinging to him even tighter though.]
We can switch movies. I did bring a few others.
[Dazai reaches for the remote and switches off the television before wrapping his arms around Atsushi to try and comfort him. He doesn’t see him as a child, just a person that’s scared and needs reassurance.]
You didn’t have to brave it for my sake, you know.
[ it's horrible. absolutely horrible. dazai probably thinks he's a loser who can't even handle a slightly scary movie. if it wasn't embarrassing to do that, atsushi would just get up and flee the room.
at least dazai doesn't seem to mind the clinging, and even goes as far as to wrap his arms around him. it feels.. nice.. warm and safe, too. atsushi can feel his face heating up, and he quickly buries it in the fabric of dazai's shirt. ]
But I wanted to make you proud, Dazai-san.
[ he allows himself to slide his arms around dazai's waist. is this even alright? is it too bold, too clingy? but it's so comforting when dazai holds him and he wants to try and make him feel it too. even though dazai is probably such a grown up that he doesn't even need hugs anymore. ]
[Oh no, what has Dazai done? Atsushi seems legitimately upset about getting scared by the movie, and for once in his life Dazai actually feels guilty about something. Something besides his awful past, anyway. He continues to hold Atsushi close, gently petting his hair when he buries his face in his shirt.
And here’s where Atsushi actually manages to surprise him, which is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Leave it to his star pupil to pull it off.]
Atsushi-kun...
[Ah...feeling Atsushi slide his arms around him and hold him back is so nice...Dazai really doesn’t deserve it. And yet he’s selfish enough to indulge in it, even if he was the one to put Atsushi in such distress in the first place.]
You haven’t disappointed me, Atsushi-kun. And I am proud of you.
[He rests his chin on top Atsushi’s head cutely.]
Do you want to watch something nicer? Or maybe just stay like this for a while?
[ why would dazai be proud of him? it doesn't make sense for him to say this. atsushi wants to ask about it, but he's also worried that dazai doesn't have an answer for him because he only said it to comfort him. so he'd rather not know and live with the uncertainty for now, instead of knowing that there's really nothing he can do that allows dazai to be proud of him.
he really just wants to appeal to the man who saved his life, is that too much to ask? ]
I.. uhm..
[ his face flushes even more when he feels dazai rest his chin on top of his head. it feels way too nice. safe and comforting and warm, like dazai is enveloping him in full, similar to a blanket. is it alright to feel such things? atsushi's fingers grip the fabric of dazai's shirt a bit tighter before he manages a barely notable nod. ]
[If Atsushi were to ask Dazai outright why he’s proud of him he might just be surprised at the answer. It’s not only because of how far he’s come in controlling his ability and utilizing it to its full potential, but he’s also grown emotionally and mentally, and Dazai really is proud of him. He sticks to his ideals even when it’s difficult, and doesn’t simply slaughter all those in his way. Maybe he’s still a bit of a scaredy cat sometimes, but he does come through when someone else is in danger and needs his help.
Honestly, why wouldn’t he be proud of Atsushi?]
Of course.
[He’ll hold Atsushi for as long as he likes. Eventually though he’ll try to lie back on the futon and pull Atsushi down with him, wanting to keep him close for now.]
[ when dazai leans back, atsushi fears that he's withdrawing from their hug, but then he's pulled along and he finds himself on top of dazai. it's certainly not a bad feeling, but of course the first thing that comes to his mind is the nagging worry that he might be too heavy for dazai. he doesn't want to crush him under his weight. ]
Y-yes. Thank you, Dazai-san..
[ his voice is muffled thanks to the fabric of dazai's shirt, so atsushi finally wills himself to turn his head to the side. in this position he can hear dazai's heart beat in his chest. it's like a pleasant reminder that dazai is still alive, despite all his suicide attempts.. it's kind of a relief to hear it. ]
I think I like this better than movies.
[ atsushi's face feels hot the moment he utters those words. what is he thinking? it makes him sound like he's asking for dazai to hold him for longer - and he is, now that he thinks about it, but isn't that incredibly selfish of him? ]
[Atsushi isn’t very heavy at all, and despite his scrawny build, Dazai can definitely take having Atsushi on top of him. He’s so warm and soft, and he can’t stop himself from sliding his fingers through that choppy white hair. It’s like having a particularly vocal, affectionate cat curled up on his chest, and Dazai is loving every second of it.
He hums in response to Atsushi’s thanks, letting his eyelids flutter closed for a moment as he lets this all sink in. This kind of warmth...he doesn’t think he’s experienced it in quite a while.
A soft, airy laugh escapes him as he soothes a hand down Atsushi’s back.]
Then we can keep doing this until you’re tired of it. Or until you fall asleep, whichever happens first.
[He finally opens his eyes to look at Atsushi again, his lips curved into a soft smile.]
Do you forgive me for putting on such a terrible movie?
[ it feels so nice, having dazai slide his fingers through his hair or his hand running down his back. he wants to experience these kind of touches way more often.. headpats are nice, they always are, but this feels infinitely better. ]
You don't mind..?
[ atsushi would definitely like it if dazai kept holding him like this until he's fallen asleep. he's gotten used to comfortable futons and a warm apartment by now, but somehow he can't quite handle the isolation of his own room.. even though he spent so many nights of his life in captivity, the one thing he misses is for someone to be there for him when he sleeps. ]
Y-you don't have to be forgiven for anything, Dazai-san!
[ whoops, and there goes his relaxed mood. atsushi sits up, so he straddles dazai's thighs, and looks at him with an alarmed expression. ]
It's my fault for being such a scaredy-cat, really.. If anything, I should be the one to ask you for forgiveness.
[He’s not afraid to give Atsushi headpats or hair ruffles when they’re out on a job, but he’s purposely kept himself from touching him too much out of a respect for his boundaries. Dazai might joke and tease and act like a goof, but he’d never want to make Atsushi feel uncomfortable around him. He took a risk letting himself indulge in more intimate touches, but Atsushi doesn’t seem to mind. He even seems to like them, and if Dazai can ease his fears in such a simple way, then how could he possibly refuse?
Hell, maybe Dazai himself could actually manage to sleep like this.
He looks up Atsushi when he sits up, surprised at that reaction. This sweet, soft boy...]
Atsushi-kun...you’re allowed to be afraid, so long as you don’t let fear paralyze you.
[He holds his arms out again, and this time he’s got a genuine smile on his face.]
Now come back here. I wasn’t done holding you yet~!
[ this still doesn't feel like it's enough, but dazai doesn't seem to want to hear anymore of this. and so, atsushi lowers himself again, until he's lying on top of dazai once more with his face resting on dazai's chest. ]
Thank you, Dazai-san.
[ it's the least he can say and do in this situation, even though words can't quite convey just how grateful he is to dazai. not just for holding him like this, but also for saving him and going out of his way to spend time with him and patting his head and buying him snacks.. ]
Is there anything I can do for you too..?
[ wait, he just remembered something. ]
Uhm, if you really want me to, I could try wearing a maid outfit, like you mentioned..
[He could get addicted to having Atsushi close like this, because Dazai really isn’t that close with many people these days, and Atsushi is certainly special to him. Not just because he’d saved him, but because he sees a bright, hopeful future in him that he could never obtain himself. Odasaku would’ve wanted him to watch over Atsushi and monitor his progress, but of course that’s not the only reason Dazai enjoys his company.
He’s about to protest, or joke that Atsushi could maybe buy him some canned crab, but then he goes and says that, and Dazai can’t help but laugh. Not at his expense, but because he’d almost forgotten about that conversation.]
As much as I’d enjoy seeing you in one, I’d only want you to wear it if you wanted to, Atsushi-kun.
[He doesn’t want Atsushi to feel like he owes him anything, really, not when Dazai was the one who suggested the scary movie.]
But there is something else you could do.
[He reaches up to tuck Atsushi’s long piece of hair behind his ear.]
[ oh no, did he say something wrong.. dazai laughing out of nowhere makes atsushi's cheeks burn, and his eyes dart around nervously. maybe he should apologize for suggesting something so outrageous, even if dazai was the one who started it-- ]
Like I said, I wouldn't mind--
[ anything to make him happy. but atsushi stops in his attempt to try and explain himself when dazai tucks his hair behind his ear and finally states what he wants atsushi to do.
it takes a moment for the words to sink in, and when they do, atsushi looks up so he can stare at dazai with his mouth slightly ajar. ]
You want me to go on a date with you? Like, a real date?
[ he's joking, right? he means it in an 'outing between friends' kind of way, right? but-- ]
[It’s adorable how Atsushi is so eager to please him, but he also doesn’t want him to think that he has to do outrageous things to make him happy. Maybe they can work up to the maid outfit, but a proper date sounds like a better place to start.
He sits up, still smiling as Atsushi gives him that flabbergasted look.]
Yes, a real date. A date-date, even! With roses and wine and everything! Or maybe just coffee and canned crab. I’m not picky!
[He tilts his head curiously, his fingers still playing with Atsushi’s silky hair.]
Would you like that?
[He’s genuinely curious. It’s only fair if Atsushi wants to be with someone his own age, who isn’t a walking bag of issues. Of course they could always just go out to have fun and worry about the consequences later.]
[ dazai sitting up so abruptly almost has him tumble backwards, and atsushi quickly grabs on to his shoulders to steady himself. he looks at dazai, still with those big, confused eyes, and lets his words sink in. ]
Coffee and canned crab sound good..
[ maybe they can even get chazuke.. roses and wine would be fine too, of course, but that sounds too fancy a date for someone like him. he barely knows what wine is supposed to taste like, how is he supposed to survive in such a high class setting? ]
O-of course I'd want that! I'll want anything if it's with you, Dazai-san.
[ aaand here comes the blush again. he's not lying, but he sounds so needy and desperate.. would it be weird to admit it out loud? that he just wants to spend time with dazai, and get to know him better? ]
[He kind of likes having Atsushi cling to him like this, and he tests the waters by resting his hands on Atsushi’s waist.]
Really? We could get chazuke too, you know~
[Dazai doesn’t really have a healthy diet, so almost anything sounds good to him. Sharing a meal is always better than eating alone, after all, and he’s not going to be too picky about what they eat.]
Oh?
[Well now that’s just a little bit surprising to hear. Atsushi looks so cute when he’s all blushy and needy and honest, and Dazai really wants to eat him up right now...
But for now he settles for brushing the back of his hand over Atsushi’s cheek, his smile growing incredibly fond.]
[ he really won't. ever. chazuke is sacred. atsushi would say more about it, but that hand on his waist has him lean in just a bit more, like he's freezing and dazai is the only source of warmth for him. that's how drawn he is to physical contact.
no wonder he leans into the touch, even going so far as to gentle rub his cheek against the back of dazai's hand. he should be ashamed of himself, really. but dazai's touches feel so nice.. ]
I.. I do. You're so nice and gentle and.. It doesn't hurt when you touch me.
[ he only fears that he might get addicted to this.. what if this is the one and only time that dazai will want to get so close to him? atsushi will have to get as much out of his touches as possible.. and without thinking about it, he lowers his gaze and stares at dazai's mouth for just a bit too long. ]
[It’s not expensive, and Atsushi should be able to eat his fill without breaking the bank, even with that voracious appetite of his. Dazai might just eat a bowl or three himself.
He definitely enjoys how responsive Atsushi is to his touch, and he wishes he could take a video of how goddamn adorable Atsushi looks rubbing his cheek against Dazai’s hand like that. He’s sure Atsushi wouldn’t appreciate that though, and Dazai might just want to keep this beautiful sight all to himself.
He smiles warmly at that little confession, though it makes him just a bit sad as well, because Dazai used to be a very different man, and he never would’ve treated Atsushi so gently back then. ]
I’ll touch you all you want, Atsushi-kun. All you have to do is ask.
[Even better than the way Atsushi leans into his hand is how he fixes his gaze on Dazai’s lips as if he wants to claim them as his own. It has Dazai’s smile turning into a playful little smirk, and he slides a finger under Atsushi’s chin to lift his head up, as if he’s going in for a kiss. But he doesn’t just yet...]
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crazynoisybizarretown2018-09-13 12:52 am
no subject
He sure is fun to tease, though.]
It’s a ghost story! About a girl that was trapped in a well and died! Isn’t that tragic? Then she comes back to haunt people!
[He says with a smile...
Also Atsushi hasn’t lived if he hasn’t tried Oreos.]
Really? They’re my favorite! Go on, try them!
no subject
O-oh.. Is it very scary?
[ it's not, is it.. hopefully it's not..
time to shove a cookie in his mouth. and, oh, they're good.. so good that atsushi's eyes light up immediately. it's like he completely forgets about the scary part of the movie summary. ]
These are great, Dazai-san!
[ and despite dazai probably knowing how they taste, atsushi holds out a cookie for him so he can eat one too. ]
no subject
Hmm...that depends, doesn’t it? Do you think ghosts are scary?
[Dazai chuckles when Atsushi’s face lights up from eating the cookie. He’s so cute...]
Help yourself to as many as you like~
[Oh? Atsushi is offering him a cookie? How generous! He’ll just lean over and snatch it with his mouth like an animal before munching on it with a pleased hum.]
Delicious~
[This is already fun!]
Are you ready to start the movie?
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[ he just remembered their hot springs trip.. he really thought that they were haunted that night.
dazai snatching the cookie with his mouth is really cute actually. atsushi can feel his heart flutter in his chest at the sight of him eating with such a pleased expression on his face. it seems even dazai has a cute side.. ]
Oh! Yes. I'm ready.
[ he thinks.. he's just going to squeeze his eyes shut and start the movie. at least dazai is here to protect him if he gets scared. right? right. ]
no subject
[Dazai can be cute and he knows it, he just doesn’t often show this side of himself to others unless there’s a reason for it. But right now he’s actually being very genuine, and he grabs another cookie before shoving it in his mouth with a pleased little sound. Not as good as crab, but definitely tasty nonetheless.
The movie starts out a little slow, but soon there’s a spooky part where a woman is wandering around in the dark during a power outage, where the ghost may appear at any turn. Of course Dazai knows exactly when the scare happens, but he’s just mischievous enough not to warn Atsushi first. Instead he simply watches him out of the corner of his eye, waiting to see if Atsushi will jump when the ghost is shown.]
no subject
[ let's hope he'll survive this..
though the tension makes atsushi sit there, shoving cookies into his mouth while his eyes seem to grow wider with every minute that passes. the scene really is scary and the music only adds to it. can't the ghost just jump out already--
there it is. the moment it appears on screen, atsushi lets out a yelp and drops the cookie in his hand in favor of clutching at dazai's shirt and pulling him closer towards him, like he's trying to use dazai as a shield against the evil ghost on screen. ]
That- That's super scary, Dazai-san!!
[ he almost sounds a bit.. whiny. ]
no subject
Oh, that’s an even better reaction than he was expecting! Leave it to Atsushi to surprise even Dazai. He has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face right now, and he can’t help but snicker when Atsushi grabs him and tries to use him as a human shield.]
Oh my! I guess I forgot just how scary this film is!
[That whiny tone is actually rather endearing, and rather than pull away Dazai reaches up to gently pet Atsushi’s hair.]
We can watch something else, Atsushi-kun. I just wanted to see if I could scare you a little.
no subject
[ how can dazai just forget how scary this particular movie is? does he watch too many horror movies to remember every single one of them? maybe that explains why he looks so calm, no, even amused in the face of such a scary scene. unlike atsushi, he didn't seem spooked in the slightest. it's almost unfair, atsushi finds, and now he feels not only embarrassed, but also stupid for reacting so strongly. ]
N-no, that's alright. We can keep watching this-- Aaahh!
[ here comes the next scary moment, and atsushi jumps in his seat, his grip on dazai's shirt tightening. ]
No, no, no, I hate this!! I want to watch something nice!
[ and it doesn't help that dazai is petting his hair. it does make his stomach feel fluttery, but it also makes him feel like dazai sees him as a child that needs comforting. uuugh. ]
no subject
Oh no, he actually did forget about that next scare. Oops. He doesn’t mind Atsushi clinging to him even tighter though.]
We can switch movies. I did bring a few others.
[Dazai reaches for the remote and switches off the television before wrapping his arms around Atsushi to try and comfort him. He doesn’t see him as a child, just a person that’s scared and needs reassurance.]
You didn’t have to brave it for my sake, you know.
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at least dazai doesn't seem to mind the clinging, and even goes as far as to wrap his arms around him. it feels.. nice.. warm and safe, too. atsushi can feel his face heating up, and he quickly buries it in the fabric of dazai's shirt. ]
But I wanted to make you proud, Dazai-san.
[ he allows himself to slide his arms around dazai's waist. is this even alright? is it too bold, too clingy? but it's so comforting when dazai holds him and he wants to try and make him feel it too. even though dazai is probably such a grown up that he doesn't even need hugs anymore. ]
I didn't want to disappoint you..
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And here’s where Atsushi actually manages to surprise him, which is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Leave it to his star pupil to pull it off.]
Atsushi-kun...
[Ah...feeling Atsushi slide his arms around him and hold him back is so nice...Dazai really doesn’t deserve it. And yet he’s selfish enough to indulge in it, even if he was the one to put Atsushi in such distress in the first place.]
You haven’t disappointed me, Atsushi-kun. And I am proud of you.
[He rests his chin on top Atsushi’s head cutely.]
Do you want to watch something nicer? Or maybe just stay like this for a while?
no subject
he really just wants to appeal to the man who saved his life, is that too much to ask? ]
I.. uhm..
[ his face flushes even more when he feels dazai rest his chin on top of his head. it feels way too nice. safe and comforting and warm, like dazai is enveloping him in full, similar to a blanket. is it alright to feel such things? atsushi's fingers grip the fabric of dazai's shirt a bit tighter before he manages a barely notable nod. ]
Can we stay like this for a bit..?
no subject
Honestly, why wouldn’t he be proud of Atsushi?]
Of course.
[He’ll hold Atsushi for as long as he likes. Eventually though he’ll try to lie back on the futon and pull Atsushi down with him, wanting to keep him close for now.]
Feeling better?
no subject
Y-yes. Thank you, Dazai-san..
[ his voice is muffled thanks to the fabric of dazai's shirt, so atsushi finally wills himself to turn his head to the side. in this position he can hear dazai's heart beat in his chest. it's like a pleasant reminder that dazai is still alive, despite all his suicide attempts.. it's kind of a relief to hear it. ]
I think I like this better than movies.
[ atsushi's face feels hot the moment he utters those words. what is he thinking? it makes him sound like he's asking for dazai to hold him for longer - and he is, now that he thinks about it, but isn't that incredibly selfish of him? ]
no subject
He hums in response to Atsushi’s thanks, letting his eyelids flutter closed for a moment as he lets this all sink in. This kind of warmth...he doesn’t think he’s experienced it in quite a while.
A soft, airy laugh escapes him as he soothes a hand down Atsushi’s back.]
Then we can keep doing this until you’re tired of it. Or until you fall asleep, whichever happens first.
[He finally opens his eyes to look at Atsushi again, his lips curved into a soft smile.]
Do you forgive me for putting on such a terrible movie?
no subject
You don't mind..?
[ atsushi would definitely like it if dazai kept holding him like this until he's fallen asleep. he's gotten used to comfortable futons and a warm apartment by now, but somehow he can't quite handle the isolation of his own room.. even though he spent so many nights of his life in captivity, the one thing he misses is for someone to be there for him when he sleeps. ]
Y-you don't have to be forgiven for anything, Dazai-san!
[ whoops, and there goes his relaxed mood. atsushi sits up, so he straddles dazai's thighs, and looks at him with an alarmed expression. ]
It's my fault for being such a scaredy-cat, really.. If anything, I should be the one to ask you for forgiveness.
no subject
[He’s not afraid to give Atsushi headpats or hair ruffles when they’re out on a job, but he’s purposely kept himself from touching him too much out of a respect for his boundaries. Dazai might joke and tease and act like a goof, but he’d never want to make Atsushi feel uncomfortable around him. He took a risk letting himself indulge in more intimate touches, but Atsushi doesn’t seem to mind. He even seems to like them, and if Dazai can ease his fears in such a simple way, then how could he possibly refuse?
Hell, maybe Dazai himself could actually manage to sleep like this.
He looks up Atsushi when he sits up, surprised at that reaction. This sweet, soft boy...]
Atsushi-kun...you’re allowed to be afraid, so long as you don’t let fear paralyze you.
[He holds his arms out again, and this time he’s got a genuine smile on his face.]
Now come back here. I wasn’t done holding you yet~!
no subject
[ this still doesn't feel like it's enough, but dazai doesn't seem to want to hear anymore of this. and so, atsushi lowers himself again, until he's lying on top of dazai once more with his face resting on dazai's chest. ]
Thank you, Dazai-san.
[ it's the least he can say and do in this situation, even though words can't quite convey just how grateful he is to dazai. not just for holding him like this, but also for saving him and going out of his way to spend time with him and patting his head and buying him snacks.. ]
Is there anything I can do for you too..?
[ wait, he just remembered something. ]
Uhm, if you really want me to, I could try wearing a maid outfit, like you mentioned..
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[He could get addicted to having Atsushi close like this, because Dazai really isn’t that close with many people these days, and Atsushi is certainly special to him. Not just because he’d saved him, but because he sees a bright, hopeful future in him that he could never obtain himself. Odasaku would’ve wanted him to watch over Atsushi and monitor his progress, but of course that’s not the only reason Dazai enjoys his company.
He’s about to protest, or joke that Atsushi could maybe buy him some canned crab, but then he goes and says that, and Dazai can’t help but laugh. Not at his expense, but because he’d almost forgotten about that conversation.]
As much as I’d enjoy seeing you in one, I’d only want you to wear it if you wanted to, Atsushi-kun.
[He doesn’t want Atsushi to feel like he owes him anything, really, not when Dazai was the one who suggested the scary movie.]
But there is something else you could do.
[He reaches up to tuck Atsushi’s long piece of hair behind his ear.]
Let me take you on a proper date sometime.
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Like I said, I wouldn't mind--
[ anything to make him happy. but atsushi stops in his attempt to try and explain himself when dazai tucks his hair behind his ear and finally states what he wants atsushi to do.
it takes a moment for the words to sink in, and when they do, atsushi looks up so he can stare at dazai with his mouth slightly ajar. ]
You want me to go on a date with you? Like, a real date?
[ he's joking, right? he means it in an 'outing between friends' kind of way, right? but-- ]
A date-date..?
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He sits up, still smiling as Atsushi gives him that flabbergasted look.]
Yes, a real date. A date-date, even! With roses and wine and everything! Or maybe just coffee and canned crab. I’m not picky!
[He tilts his head curiously, his fingers still playing with Atsushi’s silky hair.]
Would you like that?
[He’s genuinely curious. It’s only fair if Atsushi wants to be with someone his own age, who isn’t a walking bag of issues. Of course they could always just go out to have fun and worry about the consequences later.]
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Coffee and canned crab sound good..
[ maybe they can even get chazuke.. roses and wine would be fine too, of course, but that sounds too fancy a date for someone like him. he barely knows what wine is supposed to taste like, how is he supposed to survive in such a high class setting? ]
O-of course I'd want that! I'll want anything if it's with you, Dazai-san.
[ aaand here comes the blush again. he's not lying, but he sounds so needy and desperate.. would it be weird to admit it out loud? that he just wants to spend time with dazai, and get to know him better? ]
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Really? We could get chazuke too, you know~
[Dazai doesn’t really have a healthy diet, so almost anything sounds good to him. Sharing a meal is always better than eating alone, after all, and he’s not going to be too picky about what they eat.]
Oh?
[Well now that’s just a little bit surprising to hear. Atsushi looks so cute when he’s all blushy and needy and honest, and Dazai really wants to eat him up right now...
But for now he settles for brushing the back of his hand over Atsushi’s cheek, his smile growing incredibly fond.]
Do you like it when I touch you, Atsushi-kun?
[He has a feeling he already knows the answer.]
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[ he really won't. ever. chazuke is sacred. atsushi would say more about it, but that hand on his waist has him lean in just a bit more, like he's freezing and dazai is the only source of warmth for him. that's how drawn he is to physical contact.
no wonder he leans into the touch, even going so far as to gentle rub his cheek against the back of dazai's hand. he should be ashamed of himself, really. but dazai's touches feel so nice.. ]
I.. I do. You're so nice and gentle and.. It doesn't hurt when you touch me.
[ he only fears that he might get addicted to this.. what if this is the one and only time that dazai will want to get so close to him? atsushi will have to get as much out of his touches as possible.. and without thinking about it, he lowers his gaze and stares at dazai's mouth for just a bit too long. ]
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[It’s not expensive, and Atsushi should be able to eat his fill without breaking the bank, even with that voracious appetite of his. Dazai might just eat a bowl or three himself.
He definitely enjoys how responsive Atsushi is to his touch, and he wishes he could take a video of how goddamn adorable Atsushi looks rubbing his cheek against Dazai’s hand like that. He’s sure Atsushi wouldn’t appreciate that though, and Dazai might just want to keep this beautiful sight all to himself.
He smiles warmly at that little confession, though it makes him just a bit sad as well, because Dazai used to be a very different man, and he never would’ve treated Atsushi so gently back then. ]
I’ll touch you all you want, Atsushi-kun. All you have to do is ask.
[Even better than the way Atsushi leans into his hand is how he fixes his gaze on Dazai’s lips as if he wants to claim them as his own. It has Dazai’s smile turning into a playful little smirk, and he slides a finger under Atsushi’s chin to lift his head up, as if he’s going in for a kiss. But he doesn’t just yet...]
Do you want to kiss me, Atsushi-kun?
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