[Oh no, what has Dazai done? Atsushi seems legitimately upset about getting scared by the movie, and for once in his life Dazai actually feels guilty about something. Something besides his awful past, anyway. He continues to hold Atsushi close, gently petting his hair when he buries his face in his shirt.
And here’s where Atsushi actually manages to surprise him, which is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Leave it to his star pupil to pull it off.]
Atsushi-kun...
[Ah...feeling Atsushi slide his arms around him and hold him back is so nice...Dazai really doesn’t deserve it. And yet he’s selfish enough to indulge in it, even if he was the one to put Atsushi in such distress in the first place.]
You haven’t disappointed me, Atsushi-kun. And I am proud of you.
[He rests his chin on top Atsushi’s head cutely.]
Do you want to watch something nicer? Or maybe just stay like this for a while?
[ why would dazai be proud of him? it doesn't make sense for him to say this. atsushi wants to ask about it, but he's also worried that dazai doesn't have an answer for him because he only said it to comfort him. so he'd rather not know and live with the uncertainty for now, instead of knowing that there's really nothing he can do that allows dazai to be proud of him.
he really just wants to appeal to the man who saved his life, is that too much to ask? ]
I.. uhm..
[ his face flushes even more when he feels dazai rest his chin on top of his head. it feels way too nice. safe and comforting and warm, like dazai is enveloping him in full, similar to a blanket. is it alright to feel such things? atsushi's fingers grip the fabric of dazai's shirt a bit tighter before he manages a barely notable nod. ]
[If Atsushi were to ask Dazai outright why he’s proud of him he might just be surprised at the answer. It’s not only because of how far he’s come in controlling his ability and utilizing it to its full potential, but he’s also grown emotionally and mentally, and Dazai really is proud of him. He sticks to his ideals even when it’s difficult, and doesn’t simply slaughter all those in his way. Maybe he’s still a bit of a scaredy cat sometimes, but he does come through when someone else is in danger and needs his help.
Honestly, why wouldn’t he be proud of Atsushi?]
Of course.
[He’ll hold Atsushi for as long as he likes. Eventually though he’ll try to lie back on the futon and pull Atsushi down with him, wanting to keep him close for now.]
[ when dazai leans back, atsushi fears that he's withdrawing from their hug, but then he's pulled along and he finds himself on top of dazai. it's certainly not a bad feeling, but of course the first thing that comes to his mind is the nagging worry that he might be too heavy for dazai. he doesn't want to crush him under his weight. ]
Y-yes. Thank you, Dazai-san..
[ his voice is muffled thanks to the fabric of dazai's shirt, so atsushi finally wills himself to turn his head to the side. in this position he can hear dazai's heart beat in his chest. it's like a pleasant reminder that dazai is still alive, despite all his suicide attempts.. it's kind of a relief to hear it. ]
I think I like this better than movies.
[ atsushi's face feels hot the moment he utters those words. what is he thinking? it makes him sound like he's asking for dazai to hold him for longer - and he is, now that he thinks about it, but isn't that incredibly selfish of him? ]
[Atsushi isn’t very heavy at all, and despite his scrawny build, Dazai can definitely take having Atsushi on top of him. He’s so warm and soft, and he can’t stop himself from sliding his fingers through that choppy white hair. It’s like having a particularly vocal, affectionate cat curled up on his chest, and Dazai is loving every second of it.
He hums in response to Atsushi’s thanks, letting his eyelids flutter closed for a moment as he lets this all sink in. This kind of warmth...he doesn’t think he’s experienced it in quite a while.
A soft, airy laugh escapes him as he soothes a hand down Atsushi’s back.]
Then we can keep doing this until you’re tired of it. Or until you fall asleep, whichever happens first.
[He finally opens his eyes to look at Atsushi again, his lips curved into a soft smile.]
Do you forgive me for putting on such a terrible movie?
[ it feels so nice, having dazai slide his fingers through his hair or his hand running down his back. he wants to experience these kind of touches way more often.. headpats are nice, they always are, but this feels infinitely better. ]
You don't mind..?
[ atsushi would definitely like it if dazai kept holding him like this until he's fallen asleep. he's gotten used to comfortable futons and a warm apartment by now, but somehow he can't quite handle the isolation of his own room.. even though he spent so many nights of his life in captivity, the one thing he misses is for someone to be there for him when he sleeps. ]
Y-you don't have to be forgiven for anything, Dazai-san!
[ whoops, and there goes his relaxed mood. atsushi sits up, so he straddles dazai's thighs, and looks at him with an alarmed expression. ]
It's my fault for being such a scaredy-cat, really.. If anything, I should be the one to ask you for forgiveness.
[He’s not afraid to give Atsushi headpats or hair ruffles when they’re out on a job, but he’s purposely kept himself from touching him too much out of a respect for his boundaries. Dazai might joke and tease and act like a goof, but he’d never want to make Atsushi feel uncomfortable around him. He took a risk letting himself indulge in more intimate touches, but Atsushi doesn’t seem to mind. He even seems to like them, and if Dazai can ease his fears in such a simple way, then how could he possibly refuse?
Hell, maybe Dazai himself could actually manage to sleep like this.
He looks up Atsushi when he sits up, surprised at that reaction. This sweet, soft boy...]
Atsushi-kun...you’re allowed to be afraid, so long as you don’t let fear paralyze you.
[He holds his arms out again, and this time he’s got a genuine smile on his face.]
Now come back here. I wasn’t done holding you yet~!
[ this still doesn't feel like it's enough, but dazai doesn't seem to want to hear anymore of this. and so, atsushi lowers himself again, until he's lying on top of dazai once more with his face resting on dazai's chest. ]
Thank you, Dazai-san.
[ it's the least he can say and do in this situation, even though words can't quite convey just how grateful he is to dazai. not just for holding him like this, but also for saving him and going out of his way to spend time with him and patting his head and buying him snacks.. ]
Is there anything I can do for you too..?
[ wait, he just remembered something. ]
Uhm, if you really want me to, I could try wearing a maid outfit, like you mentioned..
[He could get addicted to having Atsushi close like this, because Dazai really isn’t that close with many people these days, and Atsushi is certainly special to him. Not just because he’d saved him, but because he sees a bright, hopeful future in him that he could never obtain himself. Odasaku would’ve wanted him to watch over Atsushi and monitor his progress, but of course that’s not the only reason Dazai enjoys his company.
He’s about to protest, or joke that Atsushi could maybe buy him some canned crab, but then he goes and says that, and Dazai can’t help but laugh. Not at his expense, but because he’d almost forgotten about that conversation.]
As much as I’d enjoy seeing you in one, I’d only want you to wear it if you wanted to, Atsushi-kun.
[He doesn’t want Atsushi to feel like he owes him anything, really, not when Dazai was the one who suggested the scary movie.]
But there is something else you could do.
[He reaches up to tuck Atsushi’s long piece of hair behind his ear.]
[ oh no, did he say something wrong.. dazai laughing out of nowhere makes atsushi's cheeks burn, and his eyes dart around nervously. maybe he should apologize for suggesting something so outrageous, even if dazai was the one who started it-- ]
Like I said, I wouldn't mind--
[ anything to make him happy. but atsushi stops in his attempt to try and explain himself when dazai tucks his hair behind his ear and finally states what he wants atsushi to do.
it takes a moment for the words to sink in, and when they do, atsushi looks up so he can stare at dazai with his mouth slightly ajar. ]
You want me to go on a date with you? Like, a real date?
[ he's joking, right? he means it in an 'outing between friends' kind of way, right? but-- ]
[It’s adorable how Atsushi is so eager to please him, but he also doesn’t want him to think that he has to do outrageous things to make him happy. Maybe they can work up to the maid outfit, but a proper date sounds like a better place to start.
He sits up, still smiling as Atsushi gives him that flabbergasted look.]
Yes, a real date. A date-date, even! With roses and wine and everything! Or maybe just coffee and canned crab. I’m not picky!
[He tilts his head curiously, his fingers still playing with Atsushi’s silky hair.]
Would you like that?
[He’s genuinely curious. It’s only fair if Atsushi wants to be with someone his own age, who isn’t a walking bag of issues. Of course they could always just go out to have fun and worry about the consequences later.]
[ dazai sitting up so abruptly almost has him tumble backwards, and atsushi quickly grabs on to his shoulders to steady himself. he looks at dazai, still with those big, confused eyes, and lets his words sink in. ]
Coffee and canned crab sound good..
[ maybe they can even get chazuke.. roses and wine would be fine too, of course, but that sounds too fancy a date for someone like him. he barely knows what wine is supposed to taste like, how is he supposed to survive in such a high class setting? ]
O-of course I'd want that! I'll want anything if it's with you, Dazai-san.
[ aaand here comes the blush again. he's not lying, but he sounds so needy and desperate.. would it be weird to admit it out loud? that he just wants to spend time with dazai, and get to know him better? ]
[He kind of likes having Atsushi cling to him like this, and he tests the waters by resting his hands on Atsushi’s waist.]
Really? We could get chazuke too, you know~
[Dazai doesn’t really have a healthy diet, so almost anything sounds good to him. Sharing a meal is always better than eating alone, after all, and he’s not going to be too picky about what they eat.]
Oh?
[Well now that’s just a little bit surprising to hear. Atsushi looks so cute when he’s all blushy and needy and honest, and Dazai really wants to eat him up right now...
But for now he settles for brushing the back of his hand over Atsushi’s cheek, his smile growing incredibly fond.]
[ he really won't. ever. chazuke is sacred. atsushi would say more about it, but that hand on his waist has him lean in just a bit more, like he's freezing and dazai is the only source of warmth for him. that's how drawn he is to physical contact.
no wonder he leans into the touch, even going so far as to gentle rub his cheek against the back of dazai's hand. he should be ashamed of himself, really. but dazai's touches feel so nice.. ]
I.. I do. You're so nice and gentle and.. It doesn't hurt when you touch me.
[ he only fears that he might get addicted to this.. what if this is the one and only time that dazai will want to get so close to him? atsushi will have to get as much out of his touches as possible.. and without thinking about it, he lowers his gaze and stares at dazai's mouth for just a bit too long. ]
[It’s not expensive, and Atsushi should be able to eat his fill without breaking the bank, even with that voracious appetite of his. Dazai might just eat a bowl or three himself.
He definitely enjoys how responsive Atsushi is to his touch, and he wishes he could take a video of how goddamn adorable Atsushi looks rubbing his cheek against Dazai’s hand like that. He’s sure Atsushi wouldn’t appreciate that though, and Dazai might just want to keep this beautiful sight all to himself.
He smiles warmly at that little confession, though it makes him just a bit sad as well, because Dazai used to be a very different man, and he never would’ve treated Atsushi so gently back then. ]
I’ll touch you all you want, Atsushi-kun. All you have to do is ask.
[Even better than the way Atsushi leans into his hand is how he fixes his gaze on Dazai’s lips as if he wants to claim them as his own. It has Dazai’s smile turning into a playful little smirk, and he slides a finger under Atsushi’s chin to lift his head up, as if he’s going in for a kiss. But he doesn’t just yet...]
[ even if dazai told him a hundred times, atsushi would still be self conscious over asking his mentor for physical contact. what if dazai doesn't want to touch him one of those days? atsushi would only feel terrible for imposing on him with his selfish desires, and likely never ask him for anything ever again.
not to punish dazai, of course, but because it's a good reminder for him not to get too attached to people. just the thought of dazai not wanting to be with him, in whatever way that might be, makes atsushi's chest hurt. ]
Uhm..
[ he can actually feel how the tips of his ears become hot and red. hopefully dazai can't see it. ]
Yes.. Can I?
[ they're already so close.. atsushi only has to lean in for it. the only thing keeping him from doing so is the fact that he has no idea how. how to kiss someone, that is. ]
[Knowing about Atsushi’s past explains why he’s so unsure of himself, and Dazai wishes he could erase all the pain and heartache that’s left him so afraid to ask for what he wants. Or hell, to want anything at all. It wasn’t fair to punish him for an ability he previously had no control over, but as much as Dazai wishes he could, he can’t erase the past. All he can do now is make sure that Atsushi knows that it’s okay to be greedy sometimes.
Dazai leans in closer, his breath hot against Atsushi’s lips.]
Yes.
[Dazai can sense how unsure Atsushi is, and so he’ll take the lead this time, tilting Atsushi’s chin up just a little before pressing their lips together in a soft, warm kiss. He’s kissed plenty of men and women before, but very few of them ever set off that special spark that gets Dazai’s all excited, but right now it feels like his entire body is alight with desire.]
[ it's too much, isn't it? atsushi feels like he's about to boil over, like a pot of water left on the stove for too long. maybe it's better to stop here, get up and maybe.. open a window, air out the room. they could watch that other movie dazai brought, maybe it's better than that scary one, and--
oh.
atsushi's eyes grow wide when he feels dazai's lips on his own. they're soft and warm, and the touch makes him shudder, like someone is trickling ice cold water down his spine. his grip on dazai's shoulders tightens and he finally remembers to will himself to relax.
his eyes fall shut, even though he'd love to continue staring at dazai's handsome face from up close, and he tilts his head just a tiny bit in his attempt to return the kiss, and to let dazai know that this is exactly what he wanted. ]
[Dazai wonders if he’s stealing Atsushi’s first kiss right now, and the idea has him smirking just a little into the kiss. His greedy side certainly shines through when it comes to Atsushi, and he thinks that he might like to claim him as his own in every way possible. He doesn’t deserve it, of course, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t wish to be Atsushi’s most important person. Such a selfish person Dazai is...
He reaches up to slide his fingers through Atsushi’s hair, and Dazai takes the lead, showing him how to kiss by example. Atsushi isn’t doing a bad job at all, and Dazai only pulls away so that he can praise him just a little.]
You’re so cute, Atsushi-kun~
[But Dazai isn’t finished yet, and he leans in to press a trail of soft, sensual kisses along his neck.]
[ atsushi barely manages to hold back a disappointed sigh when dazai breaks their kiss, but those words make up for it. cute? him? is dazai serious? atsushi almost wants to ask, but then dazai leans in again. feeling his lips on his neck has atsushi jolt in his lap. dazai's mouth brushes over a spot so sensitive that atsushi can't hold back a noise that sounds suspiciously like a quiet little moan. ]
Y-yes. It's good.
[ he replies that super hastily, to cover up his embarrassment over being so noisy. but it really does feel good. if anything, he wants more of it, and atsushi feels bold enough to bury his fingers in dazai's hair. it's surprisingly soft.. ]
More.. Dazai-san, please..
[ he's being greedy, isn't he? but it would be so unfair if dazai stopped now. atsushi's body feels alight with desire and he presses up closer against dazai, shamelessly letting him know that he's slowly but surely getting aroused by his actions. ]
[Oh yes, Atsushi certainly does have the best reactions, and Dazai finds himself grinning against Atsushi’s neck when he lets out that soft little moan. So sensitive...but then again he knows that Atsushi has likely experienced nothing but pain at the hands of others, and any touch not meant to hurt is felt tenfold. It makes him want to spoil Atsushi rotten, and he may very well do it at this rate.
Dazai himself lets out a pleased little hum when Atsushi buries his fingers in his hair, and he certainly wouldn’t mind if he tugged on it a little.]
More?
[He greatly enjoys this greedy side of Atsushi, and when he presses insistently against him he lets out a soft chuckle. He’s turning him on, it seems, and that in turn gets Dazai just as excited. He rolls his hips up against Atsushi to let him feel his own growing erection, and his hands begin to wander beneath the edge of Atsushi’s shirt.]
Do you want to keep your shirt on? Or can I undress you?
[ the fact that dazai doesn't push him away and put a stop to this whole.. thing they've got going on should make atsushi happy enough already. but then he feels dazai roll his hips up and against him, feels that growing erection against his backside, and he can't hold back the surprised gasp that it elicits from him. there's a part of him that should be nervous about where this will lead, but atsushi is only excited, and hungry for more. ]
Of course. I mean- You can undress me.
[ if dazai really wants to see him naked, that is.. there are scars all over his body, the one left behind by that burn on his side being the most notable one. it's not a nice sight to look at, but.. dazai has already seen him naked, back at the hot springs trip. this is different from going to an onsen together, but atsushi doesn't want to back out.
as if to keep himself and his hands busy, he moves to fumble with the buttons of dazai's shirt. ]
[Once Dazai has permission to undress Atsushi he goes to do just that, slipping his suspenders off his shoulders before tugging his tie loose and tossing it aside. He certainly won’t mind seeing any scars, because little does Atsushi know that Dazai himself bears plenty of them beneath his bandages. He’s not thinking that far ahead, however, and he grins when Atsushi starts fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.]
Of course~
[He’s already shed his coat, and Atsushi will only have to get through Dazai’s tie and shirt to see Dazai’s almost bare skin. He wonders if Atsushi will be disappointed when he finds more bandages beneath his clothing, and really, who would blame him? Hopefully that won’t deter him enough to make him stop wanting this, however.
Once he’s got Atsushi’s shirt open he takes a moment to drink in the sight of him, his hands slowly sliding up Atsushi’s bare torso.]
Beautiful.
[He means that too, and he emphasizes it by leaning in and peppering kisses over Atsushi’s shoulder.]
[ he's already figured out that dazai covers himself with bandages all over, so atsushi isn't really disappointed, though a part of him still wonders what's beneath the gauze. maybe he'll find out one day. for now, he settles for sliding his hands over dazai's chest and towards his shoulders, so he can wrap his arms around dazai's neck again. ]
D-don't say that so casually, Dazai-san.
[ he won't be able to stop blushing tonight, will he? dazai complimenting him like this makes him feel hot all over, and he almost wants to turn away and cover himself up. that is, if it weren't for dazai's hands on his skin and his lips on his shoulder. it feels way too good to break away from this kind of physical contact.
his fingers tighten around the handful of hair he has gripped at the nape of dazai's neck, and he might just give it a little tug, although without intending to do so. ]
I could touch you too..
[ dazai only has to tell him what he wants, and atsushi will gladly do it for him. ]
[Of course Dazai is notorious for that devilish silver tongue of his, but he actually does mean it this time. Atsushi is beautiful in a way that not many people are; both inside and out. That’s definitely something to be recognized and cherished, and Dazai thinks he’ll start by lavishing Atsushi with praise and affection, just like he deserves.]
Atsushi-kuuuun...
[Dazai says his name in that little sing-song voice of his, because clearly he still has to tease him. He pulls back from lavishing Atsushi’s skin with attention just long enough to flash him a playful little smile.]
Then you should.
[But he can’t further undress with Atsushi in his lap, and he doesn’t want to make him move, so he simply lays back and slides a hand over his chest enticingly.]
You could undress me the rest of the way. You don’t have to be gentle~
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moonlighttiger) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
crazynoisybizarretown2018-09-13 12:52 am
no subject
And here’s where Atsushi actually manages to surprise him, which is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Leave it to his star pupil to pull it off.]
Atsushi-kun...
[Ah...feeling Atsushi slide his arms around him and hold him back is so nice...Dazai really doesn’t deserve it. And yet he’s selfish enough to indulge in it, even if he was the one to put Atsushi in such distress in the first place.]
You haven’t disappointed me, Atsushi-kun. And I am proud of you.
[He rests his chin on top Atsushi’s head cutely.]
Do you want to watch something nicer? Or maybe just stay like this for a while?
no subject
he really just wants to appeal to the man who saved his life, is that too much to ask? ]
I.. uhm..
[ his face flushes even more when he feels dazai rest his chin on top of his head. it feels way too nice. safe and comforting and warm, like dazai is enveloping him in full, similar to a blanket. is it alright to feel such things? atsushi's fingers grip the fabric of dazai's shirt a bit tighter before he manages a barely notable nod. ]
Can we stay like this for a bit..?
no subject
Honestly, why wouldn’t he be proud of Atsushi?]
Of course.
[He’ll hold Atsushi for as long as he likes. Eventually though he’ll try to lie back on the futon and pull Atsushi down with him, wanting to keep him close for now.]
Feeling better?
no subject
Y-yes. Thank you, Dazai-san..
[ his voice is muffled thanks to the fabric of dazai's shirt, so atsushi finally wills himself to turn his head to the side. in this position he can hear dazai's heart beat in his chest. it's like a pleasant reminder that dazai is still alive, despite all his suicide attempts.. it's kind of a relief to hear it. ]
I think I like this better than movies.
[ atsushi's face feels hot the moment he utters those words. what is he thinking? it makes him sound like he's asking for dazai to hold him for longer - and he is, now that he thinks about it, but isn't that incredibly selfish of him? ]
no subject
He hums in response to Atsushi’s thanks, letting his eyelids flutter closed for a moment as he lets this all sink in. This kind of warmth...he doesn’t think he’s experienced it in quite a while.
A soft, airy laugh escapes him as he soothes a hand down Atsushi’s back.]
Then we can keep doing this until you’re tired of it. Or until you fall asleep, whichever happens first.
[He finally opens his eyes to look at Atsushi again, his lips curved into a soft smile.]
Do you forgive me for putting on such a terrible movie?
no subject
You don't mind..?
[ atsushi would definitely like it if dazai kept holding him like this until he's fallen asleep. he's gotten used to comfortable futons and a warm apartment by now, but somehow he can't quite handle the isolation of his own room.. even though he spent so many nights of his life in captivity, the one thing he misses is for someone to be there for him when he sleeps. ]
Y-you don't have to be forgiven for anything, Dazai-san!
[ whoops, and there goes his relaxed mood. atsushi sits up, so he straddles dazai's thighs, and looks at him with an alarmed expression. ]
It's my fault for being such a scaredy-cat, really.. If anything, I should be the one to ask you for forgiveness.
no subject
[He’s not afraid to give Atsushi headpats or hair ruffles when they’re out on a job, but he’s purposely kept himself from touching him too much out of a respect for his boundaries. Dazai might joke and tease and act like a goof, but he’d never want to make Atsushi feel uncomfortable around him. He took a risk letting himself indulge in more intimate touches, but Atsushi doesn’t seem to mind. He even seems to like them, and if Dazai can ease his fears in such a simple way, then how could he possibly refuse?
Hell, maybe Dazai himself could actually manage to sleep like this.
He looks up Atsushi when he sits up, surprised at that reaction. This sweet, soft boy...]
Atsushi-kun...you’re allowed to be afraid, so long as you don’t let fear paralyze you.
[He holds his arms out again, and this time he’s got a genuine smile on his face.]
Now come back here. I wasn’t done holding you yet~!
no subject
[ this still doesn't feel like it's enough, but dazai doesn't seem to want to hear anymore of this. and so, atsushi lowers himself again, until he's lying on top of dazai once more with his face resting on dazai's chest. ]
Thank you, Dazai-san.
[ it's the least he can say and do in this situation, even though words can't quite convey just how grateful he is to dazai. not just for holding him like this, but also for saving him and going out of his way to spend time with him and patting his head and buying him snacks.. ]
Is there anything I can do for you too..?
[ wait, he just remembered something. ]
Uhm, if you really want me to, I could try wearing a maid outfit, like you mentioned..
no subject
[He could get addicted to having Atsushi close like this, because Dazai really isn’t that close with many people these days, and Atsushi is certainly special to him. Not just because he’d saved him, but because he sees a bright, hopeful future in him that he could never obtain himself. Odasaku would’ve wanted him to watch over Atsushi and monitor his progress, but of course that’s not the only reason Dazai enjoys his company.
He’s about to protest, or joke that Atsushi could maybe buy him some canned crab, but then he goes and says that, and Dazai can’t help but laugh. Not at his expense, but because he’d almost forgotten about that conversation.]
As much as I’d enjoy seeing you in one, I’d only want you to wear it if you wanted to, Atsushi-kun.
[He doesn’t want Atsushi to feel like he owes him anything, really, not when Dazai was the one who suggested the scary movie.]
But there is something else you could do.
[He reaches up to tuck Atsushi’s long piece of hair behind his ear.]
Let me take you on a proper date sometime.
no subject
Like I said, I wouldn't mind--
[ anything to make him happy. but atsushi stops in his attempt to try and explain himself when dazai tucks his hair behind his ear and finally states what he wants atsushi to do.
it takes a moment for the words to sink in, and when they do, atsushi looks up so he can stare at dazai with his mouth slightly ajar. ]
You want me to go on a date with you? Like, a real date?
[ he's joking, right? he means it in an 'outing between friends' kind of way, right? but-- ]
A date-date..?
no subject
He sits up, still smiling as Atsushi gives him that flabbergasted look.]
Yes, a real date. A date-date, even! With roses and wine and everything! Or maybe just coffee and canned crab. I’m not picky!
[He tilts his head curiously, his fingers still playing with Atsushi’s silky hair.]
Would you like that?
[He’s genuinely curious. It’s only fair if Atsushi wants to be with someone his own age, who isn’t a walking bag of issues. Of course they could always just go out to have fun and worry about the consequences later.]
no subject
Coffee and canned crab sound good..
[ maybe they can even get chazuke.. roses and wine would be fine too, of course, but that sounds too fancy a date for someone like him. he barely knows what wine is supposed to taste like, how is he supposed to survive in such a high class setting? ]
O-of course I'd want that! I'll want anything if it's with you, Dazai-san.
[ aaand here comes the blush again. he's not lying, but he sounds so needy and desperate.. would it be weird to admit it out loud? that he just wants to spend time with dazai, and get to know him better? ]
no subject
Really? We could get chazuke too, you know~
[Dazai doesn’t really have a healthy diet, so almost anything sounds good to him. Sharing a meal is always better than eating alone, after all, and he’s not going to be too picky about what they eat.]
Oh?
[Well now that’s just a little bit surprising to hear. Atsushi looks so cute when he’s all blushy and needy and honest, and Dazai really wants to eat him up right now...
But for now he settles for brushing the back of his hand over Atsushi’s cheek, his smile growing incredibly fond.]
Do you like it when I touch you, Atsushi-kun?
[He has a feeling he already knows the answer.]
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[ he really won't. ever. chazuke is sacred. atsushi would say more about it, but that hand on his waist has him lean in just a bit more, like he's freezing and dazai is the only source of warmth for him. that's how drawn he is to physical contact.
no wonder he leans into the touch, even going so far as to gentle rub his cheek against the back of dazai's hand. he should be ashamed of himself, really. but dazai's touches feel so nice.. ]
I.. I do. You're so nice and gentle and.. It doesn't hurt when you touch me.
[ he only fears that he might get addicted to this.. what if this is the one and only time that dazai will want to get so close to him? atsushi will have to get as much out of his touches as possible.. and without thinking about it, he lowers his gaze and stares at dazai's mouth for just a bit too long. ]
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[It’s not expensive, and Atsushi should be able to eat his fill without breaking the bank, even with that voracious appetite of his. Dazai might just eat a bowl or three himself.
He definitely enjoys how responsive Atsushi is to his touch, and he wishes he could take a video of how goddamn adorable Atsushi looks rubbing his cheek against Dazai’s hand like that. He’s sure Atsushi wouldn’t appreciate that though, and Dazai might just want to keep this beautiful sight all to himself.
He smiles warmly at that little confession, though it makes him just a bit sad as well, because Dazai used to be a very different man, and he never would’ve treated Atsushi so gently back then. ]
I’ll touch you all you want, Atsushi-kun. All you have to do is ask.
[Even better than the way Atsushi leans into his hand is how he fixes his gaze on Dazai’s lips as if he wants to claim them as his own. It has Dazai’s smile turning into a playful little smirk, and he slides a finger under Atsushi’s chin to lift his head up, as if he’s going in for a kiss. But he doesn’t just yet...]
Do you want to kiss me, Atsushi-kun?
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[ even if dazai told him a hundred times, atsushi would still be self conscious over asking his mentor for physical contact. what if dazai doesn't want to touch him one of those days? atsushi would only feel terrible for imposing on him with his selfish desires, and likely never ask him for anything ever again.
not to punish dazai, of course, but because it's a good reminder for him not to get too attached to people. just the thought of dazai not wanting to be with him, in whatever way that might be, makes atsushi's chest hurt. ]
Uhm..
[ he can actually feel how the tips of his ears become hot and red. hopefully dazai can't see it. ]
Yes.. Can I?
[ they're already so close.. atsushi only has to lean in for it. the only thing keeping him from doing so is the fact that he has no idea how. how to kiss someone, that is. ]
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[Knowing about Atsushi’s past explains why he’s so unsure of himself, and Dazai wishes he could erase all the pain and heartache that’s left him so afraid to ask for what he wants. Or hell, to want anything at all. It wasn’t fair to punish him for an ability he previously had no control over, but as much as Dazai wishes he could, he can’t erase the past. All he can do now is make sure that Atsushi knows that it’s okay to be greedy sometimes.
Dazai leans in closer, his breath hot against Atsushi’s lips.]
Yes.
[Dazai can sense how unsure Atsushi is, and so he’ll take the lead this time, tilting Atsushi’s chin up just a little before pressing their lips together in a soft, warm kiss. He’s kissed plenty of men and women before, but very few of them ever set off that special spark that gets Dazai’s all excited, but right now it feels like his entire body is alight with desire.]
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oh.
atsushi's eyes grow wide when he feels dazai's lips on his own. they're soft and warm, and the touch makes him shudder, like someone is trickling ice cold water down his spine. his grip on dazai's shoulders tightens and he finally remembers to will himself to relax.
his eyes fall shut, even though he'd love to continue staring at dazai's handsome face from up close, and he tilts his head just a tiny bit in his attempt to return the kiss, and to let dazai know that this is exactly what he wanted. ]
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He reaches up to slide his fingers through Atsushi’s hair, and Dazai takes the lead, showing him how to kiss by example. Atsushi isn’t doing a bad job at all, and Dazai only pulls away so that he can praise him just a little.]
You’re so cute, Atsushi-kun~
[But Dazai isn’t finished yet, and he leans in to press a trail of soft, sensual kisses along his neck.]
Is this good?
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Y-yes. It's good.
[ he replies that super hastily, to cover up his embarrassment over being so noisy. but it really does feel good. if anything, he wants more of it, and atsushi feels bold enough to bury his fingers in dazai's hair. it's surprisingly soft.. ]
More.. Dazai-san, please..
[ he's being greedy, isn't he? but it would be so unfair if dazai stopped now. atsushi's body feels alight with desire and he presses up closer against dazai, shamelessly letting him know that he's slowly but surely getting aroused by his actions. ]
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Dazai himself lets out a pleased little hum when Atsushi buries his fingers in his hair, and he certainly wouldn’t mind if he tugged on it a little.]
More?
[He greatly enjoys this greedy side of Atsushi, and when he presses insistently against him he lets out a soft chuckle. He’s turning him on, it seems, and that in turn gets Dazai just as excited. He rolls his hips up against Atsushi to let him feel his own growing erection, and his hands begin to wander beneath the edge of Atsushi’s shirt.]
Do you want to keep your shirt on? Or can I undress you?
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Of course. I mean- You can undress me.
[ if dazai really wants to see him naked, that is.. there are scars all over his body, the one left behind by that burn on his side being the most notable one. it's not a nice sight to look at, but.. dazai has already seen him naked, back at the hot springs trip. this is different from going to an onsen together, but atsushi doesn't want to back out.
as if to keep himself and his hands busy, he moves to fumble with the buttons of dazai's shirt. ]
Can I undress you too..?
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Of course~
[He’s already shed his coat, and Atsushi will only have to get through Dazai’s tie and shirt to see Dazai’s almost bare skin. He wonders if Atsushi will be disappointed when he finds more bandages beneath his clothing, and really, who would blame him? Hopefully that won’t deter him enough to make him stop wanting this, however.
Once he’s got Atsushi’s shirt open he takes a moment to drink in the sight of him, his hands slowly sliding up Atsushi’s bare torso.]
Beautiful.
[He means that too, and he emphasizes it by leaning in and peppering kisses over Atsushi’s shoulder.]
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D-don't say that so casually, Dazai-san.
[ he won't be able to stop blushing tonight, will he? dazai complimenting him like this makes him feel hot all over, and he almost wants to turn away and cover himself up. that is, if it weren't for dazai's hands on his skin and his lips on his shoulder. it feels way too good to break away from this kind of physical contact.
his fingers tighten around the handful of hair he has gripped at the nape of dazai's neck, and he might just give it a little tug, although without intending to do so. ]
I could touch you too..
[ dazai only has to tell him what he wants, and atsushi will gladly do it for him. ]
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[Of course Dazai is notorious for that devilish silver tongue of his, but he actually does mean it this time. Atsushi is beautiful in a way that not many people are; both inside and out. That’s definitely something to be recognized and cherished, and Dazai thinks he’ll start by lavishing Atsushi with praise and affection, just like he deserves.]
Atsushi-kuuuun...
[Dazai says his name in that little sing-song voice of his, because clearly he still has to tease him. He pulls back from lavishing Atsushi’s skin with attention just long enough to flash him a playful little smile.]
Then you should.
[But he can’t further undress with Atsushi in his lap, and he doesn’t want to make him move, so he simply lays back and slides a hand over his chest enticingly.]
You could undress me the rest of the way. You don’t have to be gentle~
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